Mickey Mouse is a narcissist

Mickey Mouse

1 Magic Kingdom Drive

Orlando, Florida

Re: Narcissistic personality disorder

Dear Mr. Mouse:

Let me start by saying that my two year-old daughter is a huge fan! We watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse every morning while she drinks her juice, and she lovingly refers to you as "meee-mouse". With that said, I regret to inform you that I believe you have narcissistic personality disorder.

According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissistic personality disorder is defined as a "mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration".  Mickey, what the fuck is a mousekatool? Or a mousekatoor? Or a mousekadoor? A mousekawho? A mousekawhat? Why is EVERYTHING about you? So self-righteous. Yeah, it's YOUR clubhouse. I get it. But, my goodness, it's mouseka-this, mouseka-that. Do you not care about your friends? Maybe Donald wants a little recognition, too? He has been your homie since the beginning, and let's face it, he's always portrayed as your lowly sidekick. What about Goofy? I mean, this poor guy is certainly not the sharpest tool in the shed, and maybe all he needs is a little self-esteem boost. Did you ever think about naming something after him? No, you haven't. Mick- you have an inflated ego, my friend.

I've been to your kingdom- it is quite magical. I've seen your castle. In these tough economic times, have you considered downgrading? Perhaps a cute little mouse-house would make you seem more approachable and less self-centered. Your clubhouse is also quite elaborate. Have you considered your carbon footprint? I'm sure you use quite a bit of energy and/or fuel on all of your motorized gadgetry.

I would also like to point out that you just make shit up. Meeshka. Mooshka. Those aren't even words. I'm trying to teach my toddler proper English here, and your fake words aren't helping the cause.

I have enclosed a list of mental health professionals in the Orlando area for your reference. Narcissistic personality disorder is a treatable condition. God speed, Mickey.

Sincerely:

Kristy