O health, where art thou?

I'm dying. No, really, I am. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday I will actually die. I have uttered the words "I'm dying" more times than I can count. In my 29 years on this earth, I have ALMOST met my untimely demise many times. I have had more heart attacks than Dick Cheney. I could write guest posts on WebMD. I am (in my mind) a certified Internet medical doctor (I wonder if there is a way to actually get certified? I would pass with flying colors). I know more about rare diseases than most doctors do. I am, folks, a hypochondriac.

My preoccupation with my health started when I was a young lad. (Does "lad" refer to a boy? I think so, but I'll use it anyway) I had a swollen lymph node in my neck once...I was sure it was Lymphoma. The doctor wasn't. So, I dutifully sucked down my prescribed antibiotics, and sure enough, the swelling dissipated. How did I even know what Lymphoma was at such a tender age? I'll tell you why- my mind soaks up medical information like a fucking sponge. I missed my calling; I should have gone to med school.

So, the doctor had proved me wrong. I didn't have Lymphoma. Whew! Maybe we just caught it early enough and the antibiotics knocked it out? (I know better than that now, I'm practally an oncologist) I had better start looking for another disease that I may possibly have and quick. Can't be too safe. Gotta catch it early. And, so it began. I have had everything from your average run-of-the-mill coronary artery disease to more rare, exotic diseases like microscopic polyangitis and sub-acute bacterial endocarditis.

Headaches are the worst for me. Do you even know all the things that can go wrong in your brain?! Tumors, and hemorrhages, and aneurysms....OH MY! I'm that little boy in "Kindergarten Cop"...it probably is a tumor!

Somehow, some way, my miraculous body has healed itself from these often fatal afflictions. So, I digress.

I'm better now, really. I'm properly medicated. :-)


****ON A SERIOUS NOTE****

Let me just say that I actually do have plenty wrong with me. It's been proven. I swear! I've had the tests! I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, I have an unidentifiable autoimmune disease (maybe Lupus, maybe not), I have high fasting blood sugar, my mital valve leaks, and the biggest kicker of all- I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Holy shit, I actually HAVE a rare condition! I've won the genetic lottery, let me tell ya.

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome is a rare, genetic disorder that disrupts the growth of collagen in your body. Collagen is not only responsible for plumping one's lips to unnatural proportions, but it makes up the connective tissue needed to strengthen our skin, joints, internal organs and our blood vessels. With EDS, our body is lacking the glue needed to basically hold it together and we're floppy and bendy. The number one symptom is joint hypermobility (or "double jointedness"). My husband enjoys that. I plan on dedicating a post or two to EDS awareness in the near future.

Stay healthy, my friends.