So, they're spoiled, demanding and bossy, but now I'm wondering if it is ALL toddlers or if it's just mine. And if it is just mine, does that mean it's my fault? No, no way. Definitely not my fault....
I think she was born with yet another syndrome--Entitled Toddler Syndrome. I'm hoping and praying Bitty has eluded this unfortunate genetic condition. ETS is a genetic syndrome (parents are at no fault here, we have not spoiled our children to the point of entitlement) that affects a large portion of the toddler population. It's main characteristics are:
- Bossiness
- Entitlement issues
- Demanding nature
- Nap avoidance
- Preference to draw on walls instead of paper; "the world is my canvas" attitude
- Dumps toys and other items all over floor; finds joy in watching parent clean-up his or her destruction
- General disdain for hair-washing; feels hair is fine being a sticky mess
- Repeated tantrums
- Prefers junk food; cries when presented with vegetables
- Emergence of Toddler Psychosis when told "no"
- Strong preference for cartoons; will go to any lengths to watch "just one more show"
- Objects to parental comfort; will always need something when parents are relaxing comfortably
Entitled Toddler Syndrome strikes early, and it strikes hard. In fact, I believe it hit Pookie from the day she was born. I was so excited to nurse her. I couldn't wait for that all natural, beautiful experience...a true bonding between a mother and her child. I remember presenting my amble bosom to nourish her, and she took one look at that thing and said HELL, NO! Yes, my daughter is a genius, at one hour old "hell no" were her first words.
Hell, no? Are my boobs not good enough? Look here, kid, I've been waiting 9 months to nurse you, and you are going to do it and like it! No ifs, ands or buts about it! I finally got her to latch on (with the help of every nurse on the floor) after coaxing her for about an hour. Ahhh...this is a beautiful thing! Then the screams began. Blood-curling, horrific screams! OMG, my colostrum is poising her! It wasn't, but I did think that for a second.
I was growing weary after many hours of trying to get her to latch on correctly. The nurses and the "boob lady" saw the pain in my eyes. The defeat. The disappointment. The boob lady presented me with an alternative. A bottle. A sweet, glorious bottle of Similac. Gimme that shit, yo. I put that bottle in Pookie's mouth and she sucked down those 2 ounces so fast I couldn't believe it.
Hmmmm...so why did she take that bottle so easily but refused to latch onto me? I'll tell you why...she didn't want to do the work. That's right my friends, my baby girl wanted that food presented in the easiest way possible. She didn't want to have to latch onto anything. She didn't want to have to suck hard. She was hungry damn it, and she wanted that food immediately. She wanted it presented to her on a silver platter. After all, she had been working hard floating around in a pool of warm water for the past 9 months. Not like I did any work making her or anything. Major entitlement issues.
Fast forward two and half years. We are in throes of severe ETS right now; I see no signs of remission ahead. All I can see is increasing amounts of entitlement. More demands for ice cream. More demands for juice. More demands for Goldfish. More demands for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. More demands to torture the cat.
I see increasing amounts of bossiness, as well: Mommy, put the baby down! Mommy, color now! Mommy, NOWWWWW! Mommy, cup, cup! Mommy, do you see my cup sitting 3 feet away from me? Bring it to me! Nowwwww!
I'm not sure where we go from here. Maybe I need to start a support group for parents of ETS kids? Maybe I need to take up drinking? Heavily.
This is Pookie's world and I'm just living in it. ;-)
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